I've only been to one wedding in my adult life and it was one of a friend's friend that involved me wailing in front of my closet, wondering why I only buy t-shirts and jeans, and ended up desperately borrowing a bold red, borderline inappropriately scandalous bodycon dress from a friend. Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't have a double take at how awesome I looked when I saw myself in the mirror, but it wasn't exactly wedding appropriate. That particular wedding also involved quite a bit of champagne and there wasn't the 'when are you preparing to cure cancer' life plan interrogation going on. So frankly, it was like a big fat party that ended with my heels killing me.
Fast forward to next month. My cousin is getting married, and it's a big deal as he's the first in our generation to, well, can guys use 'walk down the aisle'? Anywho. Guys, I need help. While I'm prepping myself with 1001 creative ways to answer the 'why are you still single?' and 'what's your life plan?' standard questions, I need your help with the 'presentation' front.
Basically - What kind of dresses are appropriate for family weddings? Can I wear black? Am I allowed to wear heels when I already have 20 centimeters on the bride and would probably be as tall as, if not taller, than the groom??? Is red lipstick too scandalous???? Should I just stick to a nude lipstick even though there probably won't be wine? How many times do I have to endure the 'there must be a nice boy for you out there if you lower your standards' before I go all dark and emo and respond with a nasty 'we all die alone anyways'?????
I'm a social disaster. I NEED HELP PEOPLE. TELL ME YOUR SECRET TO SURVIVING FAMILY WEDDINGS without the aid of wine. Also tell me your creative ways of fending off the 'why don't you have a nice man friend?' question.
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